Sikhi against divorce
Sikhism does not give the right of divorce to its adherents except in extreme circumstances, and even then since it is not legislated within Sikhism this is decided by Western, Hindu, Muslim or other courts. The Guru Granth Sahib does not specify a word for 'divorce' and this act is not considered in the holy Granth; apart from the word 'chhutee' (Gurmukhi: ਛੂਟੀ) which means 'released' or 'escaped' no other word is specified for this act of separation. In English we have the word 'divorce'; in Urdu we have 'Talaak'; in Spanish we have 'divorcio', etc
Many Sikh sources mention the difficulty of divorce in the Sikh tradition; some quotes from Sikhs are as follows:- “In the case of broken marriage, divorce is not possible according to the Sikh religious tradition. The couple can, however, obtain a divorce under the Civil law of the land.”
Anand Karaj
- Main article: Anand Karaj
Anand Karaj (Punjabi: ਅਨੰਦ ਕਾਰਜ, anand kĝraj) is the name given to the Sikh wedding ceremony, literally translated as "Blissful Event or Occasion". Sikhs regard marriage as a sacred bond of mutual dependence between a man and a woman. A true partnership in marriage is made between those who are united in spirit as well as in mind and body. Marriage is regarded as a strong bond between the bride and groom and the relatives of both families - it is accepted as a joining of the two families into one as well.
Based on a concept depicted in Laava, the Sikh marriage is not merely a physical and legal contract but is a fusion of the souls; a holy union between two souls, where physically they appear as two individual bodies but in fact are united as one. The couple must feel and think alike and both must be completely identified with the other, i.e. they need to become "Ek Jot Doe Murti" meaning "one spirit in two bodies".
The Bride: a new member of the family
It is difficult for the western mind to comprehend the concept of Anand Karaj as specified in the Sikh culture. Most Sikhs would refuse to consider divorce, unless the relationship had completely broken down and all avenues for reconciliation had been exhausted; many options have to be explored and undertaken before a divorce will be accepted by the community.
A marriage in Sikhi is just like a birth; it is the introduction of a new soul into a new family. When a new person is born into a family, the family cannot "divorce" the child and so in a similar manner it is considered impossible to "divorce" a bride who has come into the family. When the Anand Karaj has taken place, with the blessings of the Guru, the responsibility of the bride has been transferred from her parents to the parents of her husband in.
The new bride is respected just like a "daughter" and given equal rights to the husband in the new family; the actual tasks performed by the bride and the bride-groom may be different depending on their preferences and skills but their rights in the family are on an equal footing; this is essence of Sikhi.
Marriage: Path of spiritual awakening
- Main article: Laava
During the wedding ceremony (Anand Karaj), the 4 rounds take place around the Guru Granth Sahib and the Laava shabads are both recited and sang. With each round the couple agree and confirm to the Guru and Sangat (congregation) the commitment of both individuals to this new relationship and their undertaking to the Guru and to God.
The four nuptial rounds were written by Guru Ram Das for his own wedding. They explain the journey of the souls toward the Almighty; marriage is a vehicle to help in this journey. In the four rounds, the Guru tells us of the duties that a person undertaking a life of marriage should perform. In the first round, the Guru asks the partners to:
- commit to righteousness, renounce sinful actions and Remember, mediate and embrace Naam - Name of the Lord
- Only by good fortune, is real peace obtained; Worship the one Waheguru and all your sins will vanish
In the second round, the Guru asks the partners to advance further towards meeting the True Guru - God:
- have fear of God and your ego will disappear; sing God's praises and feel His presence; God is everywhere, outside and within, sing in Joy
In the third round, the Guru says that the partners mind is filled with "Divine Love":
- meeting the Sadh Sangat (Holy Congregation), which is only obtained by good fortune
- Recite Gurbani and sing the Glorious Praises of the Lord; the Naam will vibrates and resounds within your heart and you will know your future destiny.
In the final round, the Guru says that the partners mind become peaceful and they will have found the Lord:
- God's Will seems sweet to these Gurmukhs; they will accept their destiny; you will lovingly focus your consciousness on the Lord, day and night
- All your desires will be fulfilled and the Souls will blend with Waheguru and only Naam will occupy your heart.
Divorce is taboo
Divorce in Sikhism is considered a very grave matter. When the marriage takes place the husband and wife agree in the presence of Sri Guru Granth Sahib to stay with each other and love and honour each other for life. If marital discord takes place, the community intervenes. First some senior members of the Sangat (community) may be asked to intervene and help to resolve any differences. Secondly, the Panj Piaray can be asked to help resolve the situation. There is always pressure on the couple to resolve their differences in a amicable manner and help is freely given by the senior members of the Gurdwara or sangat.
In the extreme and very rare case where one side simply refuses to reconcile one party may ask the permission of the Sangat or Panj Pyaray to divorce and re-marry.
Marriage is not however considered something that can be formed and broken at will. It is a commitment made in front of God and to be relieved of that commitment to the other person some very extenuating circumstances must be present.
Gurbani: Guide to a moral code
Sikhism teaches us how to become rational thinker moral beings. Guru Sahib has taught his Sikhs how to think in a moral way. This shows how much free thinking Guru Sahib has given to his Sikhs. It is a fact that divorce is not a simple thing as it involves lives of two human beings.
There can be many different situations and circumstances related to divorce. Stating every different situation is ridiculous because a divorce can involve a simple reason to many complex reasons. There can be numerous possible solutions to one case.
Sri Guru Granth Sahib ji is not a rule book. Gurbani teaches us how to think and how to tackle every problem and find the best solution. This is why Guru Sahib gave the power to Sikhs to make decisions that are best for everyone. Gurbani gives freedom of free thinking whereas archaic and inflexible rules would not.
In Sikhism marriage is highly regarded and both man and woman must respect one another as they join together to share their spiritual path and goal in life.
Marriage and Sexuality
This is a stark contrast to Satguru Nanak’s example. When the King of Sangladeep sent dancing girls to entertain and seduce Guru Nanak Sahib jee, Guru Sahib said,
"O princess, my daughter, run away from this place! Chant the True Name, and embellish your days. Serve your Beloved Lord God, and lean on the Support of His Love. Through the Word of the Guru's Shabad, abandon your thirst for corruption and poison. ||7||" (Ang 1187)
The concept of slavery or sexual relations outside of marriage is absolutely forbidden in Sikhism, unlike other cultures.
In Islam if a man says “Talaq” three times to his wife, they have to get divorced. This cannot be reversed which makes it clear that any Muslim under the influence of frustration or anger can simply destroy the relationship and the lives of his children. A woman on the other hand does not appear to have this same right.
